If the place has a name, it doesn't matter, because nobody knows it. After spending all 90 minutes of my first day of upper-div linear algebra deciding whether to go here or Chipotle after class, I decided that I'll definitely end up going to Chipotle some other time. Which I will when faced with this decision again.
Quality of meat (1-10) : 6.0
The meat was somewhat chewy and moderately flavorful. It was a bit disappointing, truth be told. I was expecting hole-in-the-wall burrito joint-quality asada and got cheap-tasting beef.
Quality of house salsa (1-10) : 5.1
This particular burrito cart had two types of salsa: one carrot-based and one standard salsa verde. The salsa verde was dismally sub-par, whereas the carrot salsa was palatable, at best. I would call it just good enough to eat. Barely. So we'll call 5.0 the baseline for "worth eating" from here on out, k?
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : 6.1
The guacamole was nothing special, and they skimped rather drastically. I don't know if you have to pay extra for it, but if you do, you should probably go without unless you've really got an aguacate jones.
Quality of chips (1-5) : 3.6
The chips, I liked. They would have been better had the salsa been better, but they went very well with the burrito anyway. They're oily. As chips might be if you, I don't know, made them by frying a tortilla?
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 2.9
Even for a tiny burrito cart the menu was pretty small. I give them a better-than average mark because they had al pastor and lengua.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 2.2
Yeah, the burritos are pretty damn small. Even the Tacos Moreno burritos are bigger, which is saying something.
Approximate price (for a standard burrito) : $5-6
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Probably
Satisfaction factor (1-10) : 5.8
Overall taste (1-10) : 5.3
The flavor of the lettuce was somewhat overstated in this burrito, which is a small transgression, but worth noting. I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but peas have absolutely no place whatsoever in a burrito. There is no person nor burrito that can sway me from this position. I dare you to try. In fact, don't. Don't waste my time and belly space. Don't waste your own with this burrito. Go to Chipotle.
Some burrito cart
Telegraph & Bancroft
Berkeley, CA 94709
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
El Sombrero Taqueria
My first Berkeley burrito since moving up here! Is a monstrous failure!
Quality of meat (1-10) : 2.8
By far the poorest quality meat of any burrito in my own recent memory. It's chewy, even a little bit slimy, and one in three pieces is straight up gristle. Worse than Vallarta.
Quality of salsa (1-10) : N/A
THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING SALSA. How the hell you gon' have a taqueria with NO SALSA? El Sombrero "Taqueria" is heretofore dubbed NOT a real taqueria. Shameful.
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : ?
Sooo...I paid extra for guacamole. $1.30. And they didn't give me any. Enough said.
Quality of chips (1-5) : 3.6
The chips are okay, albeit very salty. I like salty chips, though. This is, however, nullified by the fact that there WASN'T ANY GODDAMN SALSA TO DIP THEM IN. On second thought, the chips just taste like Tostitos.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 2.2
They offered a few kinds of burritos, including a veggie burrito, a chile relleno burrito, and a "supreme" "burrito", which, strangely enough, DID NOT INCLUDE SALSA. Thus it is neither supreme nor a burrito. They do offer a fair amount of Indian food, though.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 4.0
Not that it matters, because you won't want to finish it.
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $6-7
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Probably. But seriously, it doesn't matter. They aren't making money.
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 2.5
I didn't have the motivation to eat more than half this burrito.
Overall taste (1-10) : 2.6
El Sombrero Taqueria
2101 University Ave (University & Shattuck)
Berkeley, CA 94704
Quality of meat (1-10) : 2.8
By far the poorest quality meat of any burrito in my own recent memory. It's chewy, even a little bit slimy, and one in three pieces is straight up gristle. Worse than Vallarta.
Quality of salsa (1-10) : N/A
THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING SALSA. How the hell you gon' have a taqueria with NO SALSA? El Sombrero "Taqueria" is heretofore dubbed NOT a real taqueria. Shameful.
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : ?
Sooo...I paid extra for guacamole. $1.30. And they didn't give me any. Enough said.
Quality of chips (1-5) : 3.6
The chips are okay, albeit very salty. I like salty chips, though. This is, however, nullified by the fact that there WASN'T ANY GODDAMN SALSA TO DIP THEM IN. On second thought, the chips just taste like Tostitos.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 2.2
They offered a few kinds of burritos, including a veggie burrito, a chile relleno burrito, and a "supreme" "burrito", which, strangely enough, DID NOT INCLUDE SALSA. Thus it is neither supreme nor a burrito. They do offer a fair amount of Indian food, though.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 4.0
Not that it matters, because you won't want to finish it.
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $6-7
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Probably. But seriously, it doesn't matter. They aren't making money.
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 2.5
I didn't have the motivation to eat more than half this burrito.
Overall taste (1-10) : 2.6
El Sombrero Taqueria
2101 University Ave (University & Shattuck)
Berkeley, CA 94704
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Lily's
Lily's has a strong reputation for being the spot for a good burrito in Malibu. I have many friends who ate there every day of senior year, who rank the Lily's burrito just below better-than-average sex, who have made Facebook groups titled with high-school style one-liners like "A Lily's Burrito is So Beefy It Could Beat Up Chuck Norris."
Before yesterday, I had only eaten there once. I lived with a friend this summer who urged me to challenge my previous, negative verdict of the Lily's burrito. Yesterday I found myself in Malibu, so I decided it would be a good time to hit up the one business the most Malibuites seem to remain loyal to.
Quality of meat (1-10) : 6.6
The meat was flavorful, but it tasted far too much like beef and not enough like carne asada. It was chewy and grew increasingly unappetizing as the burrito went on and on.
Quality of house salsa (1-10) : 1.5
I have to admit, I have tried a lot of salsas. The "salsa" at Lily's is not salsa. It has the consistency of pus and tastes like peas and carrots. I have had very, very few salsas that I have refused to eat after trying them a few times. I tried this one multiple times to make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. No, it was really that bad. I hereby decree the least favorite of all the salsas I have tried to be the Lily's "salsa."
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : ?
I paid extra for guacamole, as I do when necessary. However, they must have only put a few drops or none at all. I don't remember tasting any guacamole, and I searched.
Quality of chips (1-5) : ?
Chips don't come with the burrito and are upwards of three dollars, without guacamole or salsa. Welcome to Malibu, ladies and germs.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 2.9
So I suppose the Lily's menu is somewhat diverse, but not as far as Mexican food is concerned. They have hamburgers, fish and chips, and other standard beach-food fare. I'm not sure if they have tacos, but none of my friends have ever mentioned Lily's tacos, so they're probably not worth noting.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 3.3/?
Lily's offers a small burrito and a large burrito. The small burrito was pretty big for its namesake, I must admit. I would guess that it would be a good idea to get the large burrito if and only if you're stoned or have a reliable fridge.
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $5-$7
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Probably
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 7.5 (for a "small" burrito!)
Overall taste (1-10) : 6.5
There is one thing worth noting about the Lily's burrito, which is that mine got progressively less appetizing as the burrito went on. By the end, I was eating it out of sympathy for my wallet. I am not sure what it was exactly about the burrito that gave it this curious quality, but something tells me it might have been in my head. As far as the supposed superiority of the Lily's burrito, I do not see what the big deal is. I do not. Lily's fans, get yourself to a real taqueria. Details perpetually forthcoming.
Before yesterday, I had only eaten there once. I lived with a friend this summer who urged me to challenge my previous, negative verdict of the Lily's burrito. Yesterday I found myself in Malibu, so I decided it would be a good time to hit up the one business the most Malibuites seem to remain loyal to.
Quality of meat (1-10) : 6.6
The meat was flavorful, but it tasted far too much like beef and not enough like carne asada. It was chewy and grew increasingly unappetizing as the burrito went on and on.
Quality of house salsa (1-10) : 1.5
I have to admit, I have tried a lot of salsas. The "salsa" at Lily's is not salsa. It has the consistency of pus and tastes like peas and carrots. I have had very, very few salsas that I have refused to eat after trying them a few times. I tried this one multiple times to make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. No, it was really that bad. I hereby decree the least favorite of all the salsas I have tried to be the Lily's "salsa."
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : ?
I paid extra for guacamole, as I do when necessary. However, they must have only put a few drops or none at all. I don't remember tasting any guacamole, and I searched.
Quality of chips (1-5) : ?
Chips don't come with the burrito and are upwards of three dollars, without guacamole or salsa. Welcome to Malibu, ladies and germs.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 2.9
So I suppose the Lily's menu is somewhat diverse, but not as far as Mexican food is concerned. They have hamburgers, fish and chips, and other standard beach-food fare. I'm not sure if they have tacos, but none of my friends have ever mentioned Lily's tacos, so they're probably not worth noting.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 3.3/?
Lily's offers a small burrito and a large burrito. The small burrito was pretty big for its namesake, I must admit. I would guess that it would be a good idea to get the large burrito if and only if you're stoned or have a reliable fridge.
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $5-$7
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Probably
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 7.5 (for a "small" burrito!)
Overall taste (1-10) : 6.5
There is one thing worth noting about the Lily's burrito, which is that mine got progressively less appetizing as the burrito went on. By the end, I was eating it out of sympathy for my wallet. I am not sure what it was exactly about the burrito that gave it this curious quality, but something tells me it might have been in my head. As far as the supposed superiority of the Lily's burrito, I do not see what the big deal is. I do not. Lily's fans, get yourself to a real taqueria. Details perpetually forthcoming.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Sharky's
I was surprised by Sharky's. I haven't been there in a while, and I was expecting it to be just another chain (that happened to use organic ingredients), but it was much more. Granted, it's a chain, and Sharky's does score low in the authenticity category, as expected. I ordered a fajita burrito and...well, let's just say I'm not used to eating burritos with zucchini and squash in them, but it didn't make the burrito bad, necessarily.
Quality of meat (1-10) : 7.6
The meat was a little bit dry and tasted a lot more like steak than carne asada, if you catch my meaning. However, it was flavorful, thick, and tasted of glorious charcoal.
Quality of house salsa (1-10) : 7.3
The pico de gallo contains too many tomatoes, but the "original" salsa is somewhat legitimate. It's obviously fresh and the ingredients seem to complement each other well. But don't believe their spiciness ratings. They're transposed upwards to make the place seem authentic.
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : 8.6
YES, the guacamole here is very, very legit. It's mostly just whole avocado, but it boasts flavor to rival the guacamole you made that one time when you had too many avocados.
Quality of chips (1-5) : 2.2
The chips are greasy and taste exactly like the chips from Baja Fresh, La Salsa et al. Nothing more. You might not even eat them, which is really saying something.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 2.5
The menu is about as diverse as other chains, that is, not very, but what gives Sharky's the leg up is that they offer organic tofu as a substitute to chicken and steak in every would-be meat dish.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 4.2
This was, for me, the most surprising part about Sharky's. The burrito was BIG, big enough to hold one over for half a day or so. Longer if you can't finish it all in one sitting, which is a possibility, even if you go in hungry.
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $6-$8
Locally owned? (Y/N) : No
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 7.6
Overall taste (1-10) : 7.2
Quality of meat (1-10) : 7.6
The meat was a little bit dry and tasted a lot more like steak than carne asada, if you catch my meaning. However, it was flavorful, thick, and tasted of glorious charcoal.
Quality of house salsa (1-10) : 7.3
The pico de gallo contains too many tomatoes, but the "original" salsa is somewhat legitimate. It's obviously fresh and the ingredients seem to complement each other well. But don't believe their spiciness ratings. They're transposed upwards to make the place seem authentic.
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : 8.6
YES, the guacamole here is very, very legit. It's mostly just whole avocado, but it boasts flavor to rival the guacamole you made that one time when you had too many avocados.
Quality of chips (1-5) : 2.2
The chips are greasy and taste exactly like the chips from Baja Fresh, La Salsa et al. Nothing more. You might not even eat them, which is really saying something.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 2.5
The menu is about as diverse as other chains, that is, not very, but what gives Sharky's the leg up is that they offer organic tofu as a substitute to chicken and steak in every would-be meat dish.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 4.2
This was, for me, the most surprising part about Sharky's. The burrito was BIG, big enough to hold one over for half a day or so. Longer if you can't finish it all in one sitting, which is a possibility, even if you go in hungry.
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $6-$8
Locally owned? (Y/N) : No
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 7.6
Overall taste (1-10) : 7.2
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Bronco Burrito
I love hole-in-the-wall Mexican food places. For some reason, they always satisfy me. This place is no different. My friend and I were driving down Ventura Blvd. and decided to eat the first burrito we saw. This was it. It was a knife-and-fork burrito, not a hand-friendly burrito. You go ahead and have your prejudices about non-handy burritos.
Quality of meat (1-10) : 8.4
I went with the carne asada, as I normally do, and I was not disappointed. The meat was juicy and flavorful, but not too greasy and not too shredded.
Quality of house salsa (1-10) : 5.2
The salsa wasn't nearly as bad as it was strange. It consisted of cabbage, tomatoes, cilantro and nothing more. They didn't have any other kind of salsa, either. It went well with the burrito, as you can imagine, but I had never been to a burrito joint that put less of a general emphasis on their original salsa.
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : 6.7
Guacamole is extra in the burritos here. They must have only put a few drops in mine because I could only taste it when I really searched. It's worth adding in, as guac tends to be, but don't expect all that much. Unfortunately, it was runny and farther away from avocadoes than one would prefer their guacamole to be. Than I would, at the very least.
Quality of chips (1-5) : ?
No chips! I didn't even think to ask if they had chips. They really might not even have any.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 4.1
I'm beginning to understand that the size and diversity of a menu at a Mexican food place is positively proportional to the number of actual Mexicans that eat there. Bronco Burrito, taking as data the single time I ate there, exemplifies this idea.
Size of burrito (I will buy a tape measure) : 3.7
Not enormous, but a good size. I hesitate to call it "standard size," because that would make my blog boring. Let's call it "burly."
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $6-$7
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Probably
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 8.6
Overall taste (1-10) : 8.2
Bronco Burrito
19511 Ventura Blvd
Tarzana, CA 91356
Quality of meat (1-10) : 8.4
I went with the carne asada, as I normally do, and I was not disappointed. The meat was juicy and flavorful, but not too greasy and not too shredded.
Quality of house salsa (1-10) : 5.2
The salsa wasn't nearly as bad as it was strange. It consisted of cabbage, tomatoes, cilantro and nothing more. They didn't have any other kind of salsa, either. It went well with the burrito, as you can imagine, but I had never been to a burrito joint that put less of a general emphasis on their original salsa.
Quality of guacamole (1-10) : 6.7
Guacamole is extra in the burritos here. They must have only put a few drops in mine because I could only taste it when I really searched. It's worth adding in, as guac tends to be, but don't expect all that much. Unfortunately, it was runny and farther away from avocadoes than one would prefer their guacamole to be. Than I would, at the very least.
Quality of chips (1-5) : ?
No chips! I didn't even think to ask if they had chips. They really might not even have any.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 4.1
I'm beginning to understand that the size and diversity of a menu at a Mexican food place is positively proportional to the number of actual Mexicans that eat there. Bronco Burrito, taking as data the single time I ate there, exemplifies this idea.
Size of burrito (I will buy a tape measure) : 3.7
Not enormous, but a good size. I hesitate to call it "standard size," because that would make my blog boring. Let's call it "burly."
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $6-$7
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Probably
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 8.6
Overall taste (1-10) : 8.2
Bronco Burrito
19511 Ventura Blvd
Tarzana, CA 91356
Monday, August 4, 2008
La Salsa
I know, I know, you already know it sucks. But how much?
Quality of meat: 3.9
The meat is somewhat flavorful, but sadly, it is the wrong flavor. It does not taste fresh at all and is intensely salty, as is the rest of the burrito.
Quality of house salsa: 6.3
They had one type that was reminiscent of the not-so-fresh-tasting Santa Fe Cafe salsa, somewhat sweet and clearly blenderized. La Salsa features 6-7 kinds of salsa. Most of them I consider to be crap. Thankfully, they did have pico de gallo, but if one could ever identify the taste of GMO tomatoes, it would have been with La Salsa's pico de gallo.
Quality of guacamole: 5.3
Well, it was really just avocado. It's hard to go wrong with straight avocado, but in the ranking of obviously GM foods, the avocado ranked #2. Not so flavorful.
Quality of chips (1-5) : 2.7
Again, not so fresh. The chips taste processed and don't go very well with the salsa or the burrito.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 1.6
La Salsa fails epically in this department. I can practically count the number of items on the menu on both my hands. And half the burritos don't even have beans in them, effectively turning them into wraps. Boooooooo.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 1.6
La Salsa fails equally epically here. The La Salsa burrito is perhaps the smallest burrito on this blog thus far. A burrito lover could eat two, that is, if they didn't taste so awful.
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $7-$8
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Noooo.
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 3.6
Even before the end of the burrito, you'll be thinking "Why did I bother?" This sentiment will last an hour or two, until you forget you ever ate it.
Overall taste (1-10) : 4.0
The burrito was just barely flavorful enough to save it from the 3.x and below range. Just barely. Still. Not worth it at all. They probably drown puppies, too.
Quality of meat: 3.9
The meat is somewhat flavorful, but sadly, it is the wrong flavor. It does not taste fresh at all and is intensely salty, as is the rest of the burrito.
Quality of house salsa: 6.3
They had one type that was reminiscent of the not-so-fresh-tasting Santa Fe Cafe salsa, somewhat sweet and clearly blenderized. La Salsa features 6-7 kinds of salsa. Most of them I consider to be crap. Thankfully, they did have pico de gallo, but if one could ever identify the taste of GMO tomatoes, it would have been with La Salsa's pico de gallo.
Quality of guacamole: 5.3
Well, it was really just avocado. It's hard to go wrong with straight avocado, but in the ranking of obviously GM foods, the avocado ranked #2. Not so flavorful.
Quality of chips (1-5) : 2.7
Again, not so fresh. The chips taste processed and don't go very well with the salsa or the burrito.
Size/Diversity of menu (1-5) : 1.6
La Salsa fails epically in this department. I can practically count the number of items on the menu on both my hands. And half the burritos don't even have beans in them, effectively turning them into wraps. Boooooooo.
Size of burrito (1-5) : 1.6
La Salsa fails equally epically here. The La Salsa burrito is perhaps the smallest burrito on this blog thus far. A burrito lover could eat two, that is, if they didn't taste so awful.
Approximate price (For a standard burrito) : $7-$8
Locally owned? (Y/N) : Noooo.
Satisfaction Factor (1-10) : 3.6
Even before the end of the burrito, you'll be thinking "Why did I bother?" This sentiment will last an hour or two, until you forget you ever ate it.
Overall taste (1-10) : 4.0
The burrito was just barely flavorful enough to save it from the 3.x and below range. Just barely. Still. Not worth it at all. They probably drown puppies, too.
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